The Chronicle:

Practical Tips for Surviving Academic Life (Part One: The Early Years)

1. Bring re-sealable plastic bags to any occasion where you suspect food will be served. Wait until the rest of the flock has circled at least three times before calmly and systematically filling the bags with not-too-perishable or shmooshy treats. Cookies are good; shrimp get old fast; pudding is never a good idea.

9. It will serve you well to distinguish between your rivals and your enemies. These are two different sets of individuals. Your rival might not be your enemy, and many of your enemies are not your rivals.

10. Your students are allowed to fall in love with you. You are not allowed to fall in love with your students. If you do fall in love with a student, avoid demonstrating it in any manner. It will pass (the feeling, and probably the student).